It’s like reading a reflection. I really loved this piece.
It’s interesting that we’ve had similar experiences, even though I grew up outside Nigeria. I never really knew about the stereotypes of Northern Nigerian women until the later years of university. Before that, I just lived my life how I wanted. I’m argumentative, opinionated, decisive, and I sit with my legs open.
That was until I got invited to a talk show about Gender Equity (organized by Southerners). I didn’t think much of it at first. I was just confused. Why me? I never posted about gender. But once the questions started, it all made sense. The former president’s views on wives. What life was like for women in Saudi… It was never about having me. It was about the narrative they wanted to feed.
Unfortunately for them, they didn’t get it.
I showed up in a black co-ord suit, a patterned hijab, and a blood-red lip. And was 100% pro-choice. Pro choosing to be a housewife, pro choosing to work, pro doing both, pro choosing to drive, pro choosing to have a driver. Hauling at an empty well.
That’s when the “you’re not like other…” comments started.
I’d love to say that was the last time I was around that crowd, but it wasn’t 🥲.
Hi Dr Hajar, i love love that you didn’t give them what they wanted. The way you showed up; bold, intentional, and fully yourself, that must have been jarring for them. It’s always amusing how quickly the “you’re not like the others” comments come when we don’t conform to their narrow expectations.
The truth is, we are not the exception. There are countless Northern women who are complex, opinionated, and self-assured in ways that challenge lazy assumptions.
It’s frustrating, but also a reminder that our existence in these spaces is necessary. Even when they don’t get it, even when they try to box us in, we keep showing up, loud, visible, and undeniable.
Thankyouuu for reading❤️ you might enjoy more of what i have to say so i hope you do scroll some more on my posts😂
Reading your pieces are always a breathe of fresh air. The emotion behind each word, the pure intelligence. I love it.
"You're not like other..." is not a compliment as much as people think it is. My mom is from the North and doing a "man's" work (as if when the job was created it was for men only🙄) and she gets this alot. I'm grateful to her for opening my palette as you've said to the world and showing my sisters and I that it all belongs to us.
The people who do this are small minded and have a narrow view of what a Nothern Muslim woman should be. Ire o it is well. Keep being unapologetically you❤️that in itself, is beyond beautiful.
It’s like reading a reflection. I really loved this piece.
It’s interesting that we’ve had similar experiences, even though I grew up outside Nigeria. I never really knew about the stereotypes of Northern Nigerian women until the later years of university. Before that, I just lived my life how I wanted. I’m argumentative, opinionated, decisive, and I sit with my legs open.
That was until I got invited to a talk show about Gender Equity (organized by Southerners). I didn’t think much of it at first. I was just confused. Why me? I never posted about gender. But once the questions started, it all made sense. The former president’s views on wives. What life was like for women in Saudi… It was never about having me. It was about the narrative they wanted to feed.
Unfortunately for them, they didn’t get it.
I showed up in a black co-ord suit, a patterned hijab, and a blood-red lip. And was 100% pro-choice. Pro choosing to be a housewife, pro choosing to work, pro doing both, pro choosing to drive, pro choosing to have a driver. Hauling at an empty well.
That’s when the “you’re not like other…” comments started.
I’d love to say that was the last time I was around that crowd, but it wasn’t 🥲.
And Eid Mubarak ❤️
Khair Mubarak 🤎
Getting responses on my pieces >>>
Feels like candy.
Hi Dr Hajar, i love love that you didn’t give them what they wanted. The way you showed up; bold, intentional, and fully yourself, that must have been jarring for them. It’s always amusing how quickly the “you’re not like the others” comments come when we don’t conform to their narrow expectations.
The truth is, we are not the exception. There are countless Northern women who are complex, opinionated, and self-assured in ways that challenge lazy assumptions.
It’s frustrating, but also a reminder that our existence in these spaces is necessary. Even when they don’t get it, even when they try to box us in, we keep showing up, loud, visible, and undeniable.
Thankyouuu for reading❤️ you might enjoy more of what i have to say so i hope you do scroll some more on my posts😂
Yes we are definitely not exceptions. We’re ‘just like the other girls’.
Ofc I do plan on reading more of your work. You can count on my support inshaAllah.
Thankyou soo much!
Reading your pieces are always a breathe of fresh air. The emotion behind each word, the pure intelligence. I love it.
"You're not like other..." is not a compliment as much as people think it is. My mom is from the North and doing a "man's" work (as if when the job was created it was for men only🙄) and she gets this alot. I'm grateful to her for opening my palette as you've said to the world and showing my sisters and I that it all belongs to us.
The people who do this are small minded and have a narrow view of what a Nothern Muslim woman should be. Ire o it is well. Keep being unapologetically you❤️that in itself, is beyond beautiful.
Thankyou soo much Lisa❤️🥲🥲 you make me wanna write more!